---
title: "How to Write an Obituary That Sounds Like Them: Facts First, Then the Person"
description: "A plain way to write an obituary: check the facts, choose two or three details only they could own, decide what to leave out, and fit the length to where it will run."
author: "The Glow Editors"
category: "Remembering Well"
date: 2026-11-02T08:50:07.644Z
canonical: "https://tryglow.ai/blog/how-to-write-an-obituary-that-sounds-like-them"
---

# How to Write an Obituary That Sounds Like Them: Facts First, Then the Person

![typewriter, write, old](https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2024/03/09/16/59/typewriter-8622984_1280.jpg?w=1200&q=75)

> A plain way to write an obituary: check the facts, choose two or three details only they could own, decide what to leave out, and fit the length to where it will run.

The funeral director needs the words by noon, and the cursor blinks. Everyone around you is tired. You want the notice to be right, and you want it to sound like the person, not like a form with the blanks filled in.

You can do both. Short is acceptable and long is acceptable. What follows is a working order of tasks, with room for your own judgement. If the dates ahead worry you too, our [guide to grief, anniversaries and holidays](/grief-anniversaries-and-holidays-a-complete-guide) looks past the funeral.

## Check, decide, then write

Three tasks come before any good sentence. Check the facts with a second person. Decide what the public does not need to know. Learn the length and price of the place where it will run. Dignity Bereavement Support, a UK funeral-care provider, stresses in its [writing guide](https://www.dignitybereavementsupport.com/blog/how-to-write-an-obituary-guide) that names, dates and places must be right, and that an obituary is a snapshot of a life rather than a full account. Mistakes in a name or a date are what families remember.

FactAskCommon slip

Name as they used itA sibling or the partnerA formal first name nobody ever used
Dates and placesThe death certificate or funeral directorA transposed digit
Family membersTwo relatives, separatelyA step-grandchild or a close friend left out
Service detailsThe funeral directorAn outdated time
Donation requestThe person closest to the charityWrong charity name

## Finding the voice

A voice comes from specifics. Dignity suggests mentioning what made someone unique, and the best material is small. Ask three people for one sentence each that starts "You always knew it was her when". Listen for what repeats. Then pick two or three of those things and let them stand for the rest of the life.

Other sources of voice: the sentence they said at every meal, the object on their windowsill, the way they signed a card. Read your draft aloud. If a relative would say "that is not how she talked", change it until they would not.

### An invented before and after

This pair is made up for illustration. Form: "Edith owned a bakery for thirty years and was fond of her family." Voice: "Edith got up at four every morning for thirty years so the street could have warm bread, and she never once admitted that a loaf had come out too dark. Her sons, her granddaughters and half the neighbourhood will miss the smell of her shop." Both are accurate. Only one is Edith. Humour belongs when the person was funny and the family is happy with it.

## Leaving things out, on purpose

Most guides list what to add. Start by deciding what to omit, because an obituary is public and permanent.

- **The cause of death.** Optional. Dignity Funerals says you need not state it, and that you should [seek the family's permission](https://dignityfunerals.co.uk/arranging-a-funeral/planning-a-funeral/how-to-write-an-obituary) if you do.

- **Suicide.** The family chooses the wording. "Died by suicide" is the respectful phrase, often with a note about where to get help. "Died suddenly" is honest too. Avoid "committed suicide".

- **Identity details.** New York's Department of State cautions that a full birth date and home address can help thieves, and that a service's [date, time and place can signal an empty house](https://dos.ny.gov/key-steps-protecting-deceased-loved-ones-identity). Use the birth year only, and give service details through the funeral director to those who need them. That is one US state's advice, so ask your funeral director what applies locally.

The exception is an open service where the family wants a crowd. Then publish the details, and make sure someone is watching the house.

## Who belongs in the list

List people as they lived in the person's life. A long-term partner, stepchildren, a friend who counted as a sister, a carer and a faithful dog can all belong. When you are uncertain how to name someone, ask them privately. To hear more voices before you write, see [collecting memories from everyone](/how-to-gather-everyones-memories-of-someone-before-the-funeral).

## Length and where it appears

No single length is correct. Funeral.com's guide, [how long an obituary should be](https://funeral.com/blogs/the-journal/how-long-should-an-obituary-be), ties length to the place of publication, and reports, citing Legacy.com, that many newspapers treat roughly 250 to 300 words as typical, charging by the line, word or column inch. Websites and printed programs have no such limit. Phone the paper first and ask for its rules and rates, which differ by country and title. Then write the long version and trim a short one. Keep the long one safe, with photographs and stories, in a folder or in Glow's private space.

## Faith and custom

Some families want a prayer, a verse, or the name of a mourning custom. Others want none. Follow the family, and avoid religious phrases the person would never have said. If you doubt, use a short line in their own words.

## When the words will not come

Summing up someone you love in a few lines is a heavy task, and stopping halfway is normal. Hand the draft to a friend, step outside, and return. For what is typical in grief, the NHS has a page on [grief, bereavement and loss](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/).

If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, reach out to someone today. Call or text 988 in the US, or ring Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK and Ireland. In other places, [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com) has local numbers.

## Begin with a sentence

Write one sentence that could belong only to this person, and leave it unedited. Build outward from it. The spoken version follows a similar path in [how to write a eulogy](/how-to-write-a-eulogy), with a template in [a eulogy for a father or mother](/eulogy-for-a-father-or-mother-examples-and-a-template).

## FAQ

### How long should an obituary be?

It depends on where it runs. Many newspapers treat roughly 250 to 300 words as common, while a funeral home page or family site has no limit. Write a long version and cut a short one.

### Do I need to include the cause of death?

No. It is optional, and the family should agree before you include it.

### Can an obituary be funny?

Yes, if the person was funny and the family agrees. Keep the humour warm and true to them.

### Who should read it before it is published?

At least one other close relative. Check every name, date and place.


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Source: https://tryglow.ai/blog/how-to-write-an-obituary-that-sounds-like-them